The Way Things Are

I waited a couple of days before writing  this post to make sure that I have a rationale mind.  Last Sunday, J and I went to Torrance to witness the adventures of the velorex, a one-of-a-kind Czech car.  The designated meeting place was at Zina’s restaurant and bar, a place who supposedly serves authentic Czech food.  I was excited.  We arrived 2 mins before 13:00, since the “exhibit” was supposed to run from 13:00-17:00.  The cars were not there yet and the restaurant was not open.  Another couple and 3 guys were also there  waiting for the restaurant to open and the cars to arrive.  “No biggie, it will just be a couple more minutes.”  I thought to myself.  By 13:30, the restaurant owner arrived on his motorcycle and spoke to the guys telling them to wait 5 more mins.  After 10, the cars arrived.  It was cool seeing them parade through the parking lot and settled at the parking spots.  Each of the spectators then took turns inspecting the vehicles.  To me, the velorex looked like the Philippine version of tricycles only that the body is covered with tarp instead of steel.  It has 3 wheels and can seat 2 people.  According to the guy who drove them they can go as fast as 50mph, and a tank of gas can run 108 miles.  Not bad.  Due to its limited speed, it cannot enter major freeways which is the reason why they chose to drive through historic route 66.  That was pretty interesting.  I wondered if the tricycle can match that car’s power.  It would depend on the type of engine of the motorcycle of course. 

After admiring the vehicle, I told J that I was really hungry so we went inside the restaurant to get something to eat.  The bar was open.  There was only one person inside.  I figured he is probably one of the owners or the bartender.  It didn’t look like they were serving food.  The guy in the bar spoke Czech to the other guys so I asked one of them if food is available.  He said it is.  So I got myself seated and asked J to get a menu for us.  We were waiting there for 5 mins with our menu but it still didn’t look like the guy was interested in taking our order.  The whole time I was watching him and noticed that he was more interested in serving the people in the bar than us.  I also noticed that he already took the other table’s order and not ours.  Being the only colored person in the house, I became overly sensitive.  Do I smell discrimination?  In my 3.5 years in LA, this is the first time that I ever felt this way.  Is this how colored people feel?  I told J I am terribly hungry and cannot wait to be served.  So we left the restaurant and went to outback to get some steaks.  I didn’t feel right not letting J know how I felt about the whole situation.

When we were seated, I told him I felt discriminated and he was surprised.  As I was relating the events that led to my conclusion, he made me see the other side of it.  Yes, the service was bad.  Yes, he didn’t like how disorganized it was.  But yes, the guy didn’t pay attention to him either.  So it wasn’t discrimination.  He told me what I experienced was just a sample of the other side of his culture.  There will always be people like that irregardless of ethnicity.  I thought about it and it does make sense.  His friends and family have been very warm to me and I love them for that.  Katka was one of the nicest people I’ve met.  But the thought of being in a place where I am not wanted scares me.  Well, maybe that’s just the way things are.

 

THE ONE

I knew he was the one when he patiently took my hand as I was nervously getting down from that waterfall I once bravely climbed.  I knew he was the one when I passionately talked to him about six sigma, lean manufacturing and all these QC tools without ever getting bored.  I knew he was the one when he played the guitar and sang with it.  I knew he was the one when  he ran and exercised with me.  I knew he was the one when he ate rice, adobo, afritada and mangoes with much gusto. 

I know he is the one when I can just talk to him about anything under the sun.  I know he is the one when he knows when to push me when I’m slacking off.  I know he is the one when he comforts me when I’m at my lowest point.

I know he will be the one when we move to another country.  I know he will be the one when I say ” I do.”  I know he will be the one when we build a family together. 

I knew he was, is and will always be Muj Drahousek.

 

Feeling Athlete

I cried last Saturday when I couldn’t finish my 6mile run.  For some reason, I think I twisted my knee muscle and it hurt so bad.  I couldn’t run.  It is just a week now from my 5K and 3 weeks from my Half Marathon.  I’ve worked so hard for this.  This cannot happen.  I refuse to be defeated by human weakness.

 

5K

My breathing muscles were killing me.  My legs were wobbly.  I was sweating profusely. But I finished the Baxter 5K run in 37 mins!  For someone who is not a runner, that was such an accomplishment.  I was #25 overall and probably 4th among the women runners.  I have a lot of physical strengths.  Unfortunately, running is not one of  them.  A couple of months ago, I was alarmed when the doctor told me that I had an abnormally high pulse rate.  I underwent a battery of tests.    In between all these, I was really scared.  “Was there something wrong with my heart?”  I asked myself.  To prove those findings wrong, I boosted my cardiovascular endurance, significantly improved my diet and thanks to Herbalife, I had the ingredients that helped produce the Nitric Oxide in my system, keeping my heart pumping in tip top shape.  True enough,  the doctors concluded that there was nothing wrong with me. 

This 5K run is another testament to that.

 

A Woman’s Intuition is Always Right

I thought we have been through a big relationship test, but what he told me last Saturday almost shattered my trust in him. A woman’s intuition is always right. Indeed it is. I had every right to be jealous.

 

men are from mars, women are from venus

So we finally ironed everything out after he got back from his two week rendezvous. Yesterday, i got a little shaken again because I received a text message from him at 5:30pm saying: “honey, I need to talk to you. can we have dinner somewhere?” I was thinking: “what is it this time?” my overreactive self was alarmed. i immediately gave him a call to find out what it was that he wanted to talk about. why not talk to me on the phone? “no, i want to talk to you in person.” it even scared me more. in my little world, talking in person only means talking about something serious. is it about our relationship? is he going away again somewhere? is somebody else coming to town again? these thoughts kept going through like race cars in my head. i was at the beach then waiting for a no-show. i tried so hard to focus on my wellness evaluation materials but bad thoughts kept on creeping in my head like venomous spiders. i was partly glad that the no-show didn’t show up since i could then hurry back home and face the music.

we met at a thai restaurant we used to go to that is close to my place. i thought he looked bouncy and jubilant when he walked in. i thought to myself: “with this attitude, it couldn’t be that bad. could it?” Before he even got seated, I asked him: “what was it that you wanted to talk about? Is it something bad?” He grinned: “So am I a bad guy now? I just wanted to be with you because I needed your support. My boss is leaving her position and I wanted to know if it’s okay with you if I apply for that position. I wanted to tell you because you are in my world and taking this position would mean that I will be busy sometimes. But i promise you. I will always have time for you.” I smiled: ” Is that it? Of course you can! I will support you all the way.” He held my hand and smiled. There was no need for words anymore. It was then when we realized again that men are from mars and women are from venus.

 

Stroke

My former landlady and very good friend had a minor stroke last Monday. According to Marie, her roommate, she has been complaining of dizziness at around 7:00 that morning. She then asked Marie to call her friend so she can go to the hospital. I dropped by that afternoon to deliver some nutritional supplements that she ordered but nobody was there. At around 8:00pm , I received a call from Marie telling me that she was rushed to the emergency room due to a mild stroke. A series of phone calls were then made out to her friends and relatives. Finally, it ended up with me and Georgia (former roommate), going to the hospital to check on her. She was still a little weak when we saw her and she couldn’t open her eyes since it made her very dizzy. Nobody was there to look after her. I could sense from the tone of her voice that she was a little scared. But since she was single and had no immediate family in the area, nobody was there to comfort here. I thought that was sad. Being alone is scary.

When I had all those failed relationships in the past, I thought I am okay being alone. But it is during instances like these when I’m led to think twice. Now I am sure that I don’t want to grow old alone.

 

First steps towards trust

Love is a decision.  A famous line it is, but hard to live up to.  For some reason, I still have those trust issues that keep on creeping up on me everytime J and I start talking about the upcoming inevitable event.  This weekend was another great time spent with him, which was almost ruined by my jealousy.  

We were walking along Malibu beach when I started to bring up the topic of his activity with his lady friend.  I became irrational again and demanded that he introduce me to her.  He was quite wary at first since he wasn’t sure how it would go.  I suggested that it would be better to involve other people, so we ended up agreeing that a Czech party is to be done.  We talked about the insecurity issue again and he brought up something that really struck me.  I told him I wanted reassurance.  He asked me what other type of reassurance I needed when he has already promised me so many things.  “Your trust in yourself is your reassurance.” J said.  It got me into thinking; “Do I trust myself well enough? ” Maybe this is something I need to work on.  Trust is earned not given.  I haven’t earned the trust that I require from other people, so I cannot fully trust other people yet.  But I can give trust.

When we were home, I started to do my nails.  I was a little dissatisfied with my work and J volunteered to do it for me.  I readily agreed.  He did quite a good job.  So now, he earned my trust when it comes to nails.  Well, that’s a good start. 

 

Trust Issues

“Trust me. I love you. You are my future.” This was what he said when I started crying. It has been more than a month now since we started seeing each other. We have initially been introduced as friends but somehow, something romantic has developed. We knew we liked each other from the beginning. It was further confirmed when we took a trip together that somehow made us realize how we really liked each other. Everything has been going smoothly since then. Until this.

In two weeks time, a female friend of his from his home country is coming to the US for a visit. He informed me yesterday that he would be gone for two weeks to spend time with her. He would be taking his vacation to tour her around California. When I heard this, I felt like a rock just fell on me. Oh no, not again! Is this going to end up like the previous ones? Why does it always happen like this? Am I going to be hurt again? Why do I always end up in these circumstances? I have been badly burned before but being the optimistic person that I am, I always try to believe in the saying: “Love like you’ve never been hurt before.” And so I did. I am always very transparent with my emotions. I never hold back. But it is to my detriment. I thought what we have is different. Or is it going to be a was?

He has assured me that he will keep in touch with me during those two weeks. He assured me that he trusts me and the only reason he is telling me this is because he wants me to trust him too. He assured me that I will always be on his mind, and he will never do anything that can break our relationship. He assured me that he loves me and we are going to have a bright future together. But can I trust him?